Wanderer.. Wandering...

Stuck.. Wanderer no longer.

I hate where I am, who I am, who I’m with, I hate waking up in the morning, I hate being unhappy, I hate that you’re my whole world, I hate that I’ve made you the center of everything, I hate how much I’ve lost myself, I hate fighting to feel sane, No matter where I am, the hate doesn’t quit. I hate that you don’t care about me, I hate that I can’t find it in myself to just leave, I hate crying all the time, yelling like a psycho, I hate even thinking about you, I hate where you’ve pushed me, I hate waiting for this to just stop, I can feel your hate growing too. I just hate everything, I’m not happy- not a single fucking bit, and there’s nothing I’m going to do about it. I’m just stuck in this hate for forever it seems.

Twenty-two.

From the time I met you, you were not pure,
Addicted to the drug that has no cure.
Endless stories of all the “good times”,
It only seems that you’ve made love the crime.
The spell has you deeper than we could go,
You’re constantly chasing what you’ll never know.
Losing sight of what’s real and what’s a dream,
Strings pull and tug at your limbs, dummy coming apart at the seams.
The head you carry is stubborn but smart,
Too special to be lost, a living piece of art.
And your canvas is pale, brown streaks run through,
Patterns are misshapen, no line as perfect as the one you blew.
Across your heart, embedded in your brain,
Darkness draws thick, then then shoot your pain.
Burning arms and needles dipped in fire,
Constantly trying to get higher.
Love pumps through your veins, you feel it inside,
Eyes shot red and you croak your words, it’s what you’ll always decide.
I wish your happiness was found in me, that I was enough,
But there was one love before, one far more tough.
You cherish the drip and sing of the flow,
The way you feel with me is harder to show.
This perception of love is unlike any other,
I can only hope it’s not forever.
Love Conquered My Peaceful State, From The First Push It Was Doomed.

2/22/11

No name.

They all say the grass is always greener on the other side,
But what happens when you’re blind to reality?
What happens when all you see is black and white,
How is there ANY green, any color?
There isn’t always a yellow brick road,
Sometimes you have to pave your own path.
It’s hard for some to find the right way,
But that’s how life is, it’s a never ending discovery.
A lot of times you have to see the ones you love dig deeper and deeper,
The hole they create grows in width and depth.
People change and it’s hard to realize,
It’s hard to see the ones you care about fall further and further and you can’t catch them.
You can’t be sympathetic when you’re hurting so much for them,
When they’re making you feel their pain, some stronger than others.
I can’t even look at this person the same anymore,
I don’t see my child hood best friend.
I only see all the tears in my eyes,
Someone who is so selfish their actions are continued despite who “loves” them.
Their black wall builds higher,
And they only get colder.
How do you see color when the world is black and white?

Just keep me where the light is.

Warm waters, sun kissed skin,

Every single inhibition released from within.

Bonfires, long summer nights,

Not a single cloud in sight.

Palm trees, herbal escapes,

Only us roaming on these beautiful moonscapes.

Sun rays, roaring waves,

Open your mind and explore the caves.

New adventures, blue skies,

The outside is beautiful, you won’t believe your eyes.

High times, smooth sailing,

This is the anthem of our summer living.